Stereotypes: My Nemises

I'm extremely annoyed. Now, I don't usually begin posts this way so I'll explain.
There is something I covet in this world more than money or success or love of life itself. I jealously watch others who are lucky enough to have it and I boil inside. Occasionally I feel like I could actually leap out and grab it, but something always jerks me back and slaps my wrist.
This thing, that I covet so much is......short hair. I'm not talking about a pageboy-cute-pixie-girl haircut, I'm talking about a straight-up, hair generally about four inches long, extremely short boy-cut.

I really and truly hate having long hair. Occasionally I look in the mirror and like the long blond locks, but generally, I detest caring for long hair. I hate blow-drying it after showers, I hate fixing it so it looks like I enjoy having it, I hate dealing with it when it's humid and my hair decides to freak out like I rubbed a balloon over it and then I tried to curl it while simultaneously juggling chain saws. I HATE HAVING LONG HAIR!

However, even though I hate long hair more than I hate clowns, society says I need it. In our day-and-age short hair is allowed for boys, lesbians, and extremely feminine women. If you don't fall into one of these categories, it's not okay. I know this from experience, see in high-school, I was attempting to solve my abhorrence of long hair with an "inbetweener" cut.

That's me, on the left, in highschool. An inbetweener cut is long enough to classify as semi-pixi-cut, yet short enough so I didn't actually have to deal with long hair. As a general rule, I was a social outcast in highschool. Now I'm not blaming this completely on the hair, after all, I matured much more slowly than I'd like to admit, however, I do believe the hair contributed.
Once I started college, grew my hair out, (and matured....a lot) I have worked my way up the social ladder. Nowdays, when I actually take the time to fix my hair, (which is about 2% of the time, the rest of the time it's either straightened or pony-tailed) I get tons of compliments. I have even expressed my lust for a boy-cut to a few of my closer friends, and they are skeptical that I would be able to "pull it off".

See, the problem is that I don't fit into any of the three acceptable boy-cut categories.

1) Boy

Clearly, this is the most obvious way to qualify for short hair......actually being a boy. And obviously I do not fit into this category. 

2) Lesbian

This is another category of people that are allowed to have extremely short haircuts. I, like any teen growing up in the 2000's had to, at one time or another, decide where I stood along the gay/not gay line. I never had any lesbian doubts to begin with, so I also do not qualify for this category of short-hair.

3) Extremely "Feminine/Attractive" or "Famous" Female

Short hair on straight women becomes socially acceptable when:

a) the woman is excessively feminine. As long as the woman is feminine enough (clothes, jewelry, makeup, a boyfriend never hurts) the short hair is considered an accessory and doesn't drag her towards the ambiguous "I can't tell if she's gay or not" line. 

b) The woman is extremely attractive. I'm talking about the kind of attractive that stands out in a crowd and causes car accidents. If a girl is that attractive, it doesn't matter what she does or how she wears her hair, it just ceases to matter. 

c) The woman is famous. Let's face it, celebrities get a free pass. If you're a movie star or singer ect, you can do anything you want to do because society already loves you.  

What a nightmare!!! Social stereotypes are worse than politics! In summary, I'm not a boy, I'm not a lesbian, and I'm not famous, excessively feminine, or extremely attractive. I'm not saying that I'm ugly, I'm just saying that I'm no Kiera Knightly! 

It's awful! I can not successfully pull off a boy-cut without repercussions! If, at some point, I decide that I don't care what people think and I go ahead and rid myself of my labor-intensive locks, I will be stepping into a dangerous area. This area is called, I am cool/original or self-confident enough to defy social conventions altogether! And honestly, I'm not sure if I have that kind of courage.

Someday, my friends, I hope that we can get past these social conventions far enough for people like me, who hate petty guidelines, to live happy, successful, fulfilled lives without sacrificing hair-happiness to get it.

UPDATE:

After linking this page to my Facebook wall I received a large number of comments and emails from friends who felt the same way I did, or who recommended I go ahead with cutting my hair. Because of this, on September 20 I cut my hair. I have also added a new category of woman to the list of women who can "pull off" short hair: 

Author

Feminist: A women who believes in equal rights for men and women, and finds predominately male-established social rules regarding women to be confining and arbitrary.